someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
