he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
