Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
