He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
