do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
