yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
