why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
