So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
