Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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