This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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