Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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