Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
