I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
