i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
