It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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