I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
