This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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