oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
