My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
