She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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