She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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