So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
