just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
