Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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