Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
