...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
