After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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