Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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