She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
