what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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