my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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