Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My penis needs a shock collar
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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