IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
