Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
