I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
