just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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