So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
