fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
