I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
