So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I could fuck to npr.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
