i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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