Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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