u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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