he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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