this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
