Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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