I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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