My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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