I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
