I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
