i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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