Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
