Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
