I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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