I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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